No Secrets
by Cinnamon68
Summary: I am struggling to write anything cohesive at the moment. I seem to have loads of ideas but they aren't coming together. This is just a short one-shot of what Gill and Rachel may have been thinking during that confrontation on the pub in episode 4.5. I really need to finish A Guilty Thing Surprised.


I am struggling to write anything cohesive at the moment. I seem to have loads of ideas but they aren't coming together. This is just a short one-shot of what Gill and Rachel may have been thinking during that confrontation on the pub in episode 4.5. I need to get back to finishing A Guilty Thing Surprised.

**No Secrets**

"Are you shagging Will Pemberton?". Gill asks, although she knows she shouldn't. She doesn't want to know, but has a burning, gnawing need to know. To torture herself with the knowledge. She watches Rachel's face, and knows immediately it's true. Her heart sinks, and she feels sick. She knows she has no right to be jealous, but the feeling is there anyway, twisting her stomach and making her say mean and nasty things. She listens to herself; thinks she should stop, then carries on. The words fly out of her mouth, and she doesn't care the hurt she is causing. She's not thinking, she's hurt, she's lashing out like a wounded animal. She can't believe what she is doing. A few months ago this would have been unthinkable. And the stupid thing is, she knows it's all her fault. She was the one who drove Rachel into Will's arms. She takes a big gulp of wine, and watches Rachel try to defend herself, when there really is no need.

Rachel is stunned by Gill's question. She's reeling. _Why on earth does Gill care anyway?_ She didn't want her; Gill had made that perfectly clear, months ago. Maybe she wanted Will? She certainly flirted with him when they'd met him. But no, that couldn't be right, could it? She can't speak at first; too stunned for words and then she hears herself defending her actions. _Why the fuck, am I doing this?_ She thinks. Rachel knows the answer. Despite telling herself many times to the contrary, she cares what this woman thinks. Madly, passionately, desperately. Rachel closes her eyes; tries to regain some equilibrium. She feels tears threaten in the corner of her eyes and wants to shout,_ I wouldn't be shagging him if you hadn't been so adamant that there could be nothing between us but a professional relationship, you mad cow!_ She briefly wonders what it would be like to say that out loud, but self preservation gets the better of her and she goes quiet. Not saying a word, she looks at the wine as she swirls it in her glass. She is aware of Gill's eyes on her, boring into her as if trying to figure out the enigma that is Rachel Bailey. _Good luck with that, Godzilla!_ She snorts. They both jump as they hear the lads' raucous laughter from the fruit machines. It looks like Pete has had a win.

Gill looks at Rachel, anew. Rachel looks up at Gill and catches a look in her eyes, sadness and pain, fleeting, then gone. Rachel's heart catches in her chest, and she reaches out to touch Gill's hand. "I'm sorry", she hears herself whisper, for what she's not quite sure. She doesn't want to see pain in Gill Murray's eyes, doesn't think she can bear it. Rachel pulls away then, wishing Gill would just say that she wanted her, and she would drop Will Pemberton without another thought. It really wasn't serious between them. Just a bit of fun, after all. Gill's right about one thing; her love life usually is laid bare for all to see. Part of her is glad that Gill has found out. _She must care, or she wouldn't be making such a fuss_, Rachel thinks. She can't explain the emotions she feels when she is around Gill. Right now she doesn't know whether to punch Gill or kiss her senseless. So before she does either, Rachel drains her glass, slams it on the table and takes her leave.

Gill watches as Rachel storms off, feeling awful. _Argh! That woman will be the death of me._ She sighs, finishes her wine. She knows she's drinking too much these days but tonight she doesn't care. She signals to Pete at the bar that she'd like a top up and the lads come back to the table, arms full of drinks. Gill takes the bottle of red, pours herself a large glass and returns to drowning her sorrows.


End file.
